Watching our babies grow up can be so incredible and so painful...especially when your nine year old tells you that he was told that a kid he really thought was his close friend, is telling people they aren’t really friends.
Before anyone travels the “bully” route...that’s absolutely NOT what this is. Baker is well-loved and has plenty of friends. But, as is typical in life...sometimes we come face to face with the reality, that we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.
We’ve all been there and experienced that kind of hurt. Looking back, it feels like 5th - 8th grade was a series of unwelcome surprises of this sort...like I’d been left in the dust. And if I’m perfectly honest, I’ve been guilty of being a bad friend, myself. It’s just part of life. It’s just part of learning.
In the grand scheme of life, it’s so very small. But...in his short little lifetime, it’s so very big. It’s his first real relationship let-down...his first friendship heartache...one of his greatest pains, yet.
It won’t be the last. There will be disappointments and heartbreak far greater. But the first is the deepest.
He told me, with tears streaming, all about it today, how he’s thankful someone told him and angry at the whole situation. He described his confusion about why someone would ever pretend to be someone else’s friend...a concept that is completely lost in Baker’s black and white world.
As he and I sat on his bean-bag chair together and he shared his hurt and disdain for being (in his words) “tricked” by someone he thought was a friend, Lucibelle competed for his attention.
“Bubba! Bubba! Hey, Bubba!”
I shushed her and encouraged Baker to share all he felt. His thoughts, feeling, and tears poured like water from a busted levy.
Finally, when she sensed he was done, Lucibelle asked, “Bubba, can I tell you something now.”
Still crying, Baker nodded yes.
You never know what tid-bit Lucibelle may impart. And when it comes to social wisdom, I’d generally steer clear of Luci’s.
“Bubba, sometimes I get said too. And sometimes I cry a lot. And sometimes I cry a little. And sometimes I don’t cry at all even though I feel sad. And it’s ok to feel sad. And guess what! You won’t feel sad forever. And when you’re done feeling sad, you will feel happy again!”
It was enough to get a grin from Baker, and she gave him a big hug. And it wasn’t long before they were playing again.
At bedtime, we talked again.
We stopped to think about all the “real” friends he knows he has. We talked about how to use this to watch for fake friends in the future. We talked about how real friends love you no matter what anyone else thinks, they don’t get jealous, and they don’t try to hold you back from what you desire.
We read 1 Corinthians 13 and talked about how that applies to friendship, replacing the word, “Love” with names of people who show those traits. And then we stood in awe of how much love surrounds him.
And then, we prayed for the people who hurt him. Truthfully, this was NOT my first instinct. Nor was it my 27th or 143rd. It wasn’t MY instinct AT ALL. It was obedience...it was God’s requirement and I knew it.
The truth is, everyone is NOT going to like us. But if we are living the life God intended for us, being kind, and being true to ourselves, then their dislike is more of a reflection on them. And that’s ok!
I asked, “So Baker what do you want to pray?”
Baker said, “Just that God will make me feel better and that he (the boy) can feel loved.”
Baker is going to bed with a peaceful heart tonight. But...of course my mind is reeling.
This is his first friendship heartbreak, but it won’t be the last. I hope that he will always turn to this lesson...to remind himself what love is and to pray for those who may not love him.
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