Kids Get It

This is my daughter’s typical personality. She’s the free spirit...the clown...the spit-fire who tells it like it is. It was a typical night with a typical bath...the kind where she makes a Santa beard of the bubbles and splashed entirely too much water on the floor.

...a couple of hours later she asked...as she was about to fall asleep in my lap just like every night...”Mommy, will we be old when the days are over?”

I asked her what she meant.  I mean...what a jarring question from a 4 year old. Surely she didn’t mean what I thought.

With tears in her eyes she clarified the best she could though the intermittent tearful gasps...“When there are no more days...will we be old?”

Why is my 4 year old contemplating Armageddon?  Where is this coming from?  Why would she ask this?????

I did MY best to comfort her...and I made it worse. Dave tried too. No bueno.

I was out of answers...and she wasn’t out of tears.

Then I asked her...”Do you think we should pray to Jesus?”

Did I really say that out loud?   I’m the worst pray-er. You’ll never see me volunteer to even Pray for dinner!  I’m the last example you’d select for someone to share a prayer.

But it was the only agreeable solution I’d suggested in what seemed like hours.

She closed her eyes.

I prayed out loud...for peace in her heart and for Jesus to take away her worry.

It was most certainly a simple prayer.  Like I said...I don’t have the gift of praying pretty.
One of my most common “prayers” goes exactly like this:  “Dear God...Seriously????”

I heard her deep sigh, felt her relax, and she drifted off to sleep in my arms.  As though not a tear had been shed.  Just a peaceful, sleep you’d expect from a little girl... the kind who was not discussing the end of time just moments before.

Her tears now shifted to me.
God...what kind of point are you trying to prove over here?!?!  What message are you trying to deliver here???

Jesus, himself made no secret of His bias for the faith of a child.

From seemingly nowhere, a burden, much too cumbersome for the heart of a 4 year old (or any of us for that matter), became overwhelming.

The burden surpassed logic.
And much like the rest of us lost in our fear, Luci could not process the reasoning explained.

She so readily accepted turning to Jesus... and I’d like to say I do that too.

But tonight I saw what “childlike faith” actually means...

Lucibelle Sha didn’t turn to Jesus as a last resort.

She eagerly accepted my offer to pray and vehemently denied all other ideas.

More so...

Luci turned to Jesus with ABSOLUTE faith...with no doubt in her mind that He would most certainly calm her fears.
And He did.

There was nothing in her that thought that He would fall short... that she would need to perform some other act to be more deserving... or that she was undeserving.

Nope... she gave her fear to Him, and she walked away from it with absolute peace and confidence.

I can’t remember the last time I had that kind of faith. The kind when I didn’t have a question or care in the mix...

I guess God does though...He remembers. He remembers the eager innocence and the relationship that comes with the child-like faith He wants so desperately for all of us.

He misses that...He misses it so much that He would use my daughter to snap my heart to attention and draw me closer to Him as she peacefully sleeps.

“Luci,” I tried to explain, “we will have ALL the days together...even after the days are over.”   And that, I very much believe.

Perceived Threat...How My Son Opened My Heart

2/26/17

The body's response to a perceived threat is fight or flight.

Since birth, we've worked hard with Baker to help him differentiate between perceived and real threat and to create peace in his body and mind so he can more clearly identify each. Baker's go-to explanation is that he doesn't "trust" that...food, toy, bike, trail, slide, swing, cafeteria, assembly, candy, ride, store, etc...

But sometimes things still go haywire. Sometimes his body still perceived a threat. It fights by vomiting or shutting down. It takes flight by running away, hiding, or refusing to move due to paralyzing fear. Perhaps if he was wired more aggressively we'd see him hit, kick, scream, or lash out.

The thing is, whatever the stimuli, as benign to you or me as it may seem...to Baker, it's a threat.

Getting mad at him for it will never change the behavior. If I perceive a tarantula crawling across my neck, I'm going to react. And if you get mad at me for it, I'm not going to trust you anymore.

Trying to convince him that his perception is inaccurate while he is in the throws of his chaos, isn't going to redirect his thinking.  Instead, we have to direct his attention elsewhere and help him to find peace before he can move forward.  His perception, after all, is his reality, but that doesn't make it real.  

This is not to say that displays of behaviors that do not correlate with our family values are accepted or glossed over. Quite the contrary. Baker knows that reactions that cause major disruptions or emotional or physical harm to others will never be accepted in our home. Every day he redirects, fights, or flies while still maintaining empathy and love for others. I believe this goes much deeper than our parenting and speaks to a deep spiritual peace that he is able to hold...even when his neurons are all tangled up in anxiety and overload.

Jesus perceived the world differently. So does my boy.

In the same light...I've recently found myself swimming upstream trying to figure out the "other side" of the political spectrum. Why do they do this? What do they think that's ok? Why do they act like that?

I've tried to convince them that they are wrong.

I've even tried to deflect their negativity with my own.

One side lashes out at the other because they did this. The other lashes out because that side is wrong. One side cries foul, the other throws back something equally disgusting.

But what I woke up thinking this morning was that if we all approached others with love the way we do our own children...we'd be in a lot better place.

We are currently helping Baker develop the tools to navigate perception vs. reality. Not ignoring his perceptions. Not scolding him for them. And not treating his feelings as irrational. After all, regardless of WHY he believes as he does...it's real to him and his brain/body will behave accordingly. And it's our reactions to our beliefs that will either strengthen or destroy our spiritual bond with humanity.

Now...It's not my job to parent other people. Well...as an educator, sometimes it is...but that's another post for another time.

But, what if, instead of trying to convince others that their perception is wrong while they are wrapped up in it...what if I choose to love them anyway. And love them in a way that creates a bond. And love them in a way that creates trust. So that when they perceive the sky to be falling and turn to me and see my peace...whether it is falling or not...it creates peace within them.

So that even when they are fearful, they don't cut people out. So that when they are anxious they don't lash out. So that when they are so convinced of their perception they don't express arrogance, pride, or hate...but instead walk in Love.

Yeah...it's a pretty tall order. But God sent his Son to teach us how to do it. Funny thing...I think God sent me my son to teach me the same.

Sometimes, Jesus Doesn't Pronounce His "L"s

In case we ever forget…In case we get wrapped up in the commercialization of the holiday.  In case we get consumed by the financial strain we all feel this time of year.  In case we ever feel that we may collapse under the pressures work and family and friends and society in general… In case we feel completely helpless and anxious in the light of the terrorism that our world is suffering…

I’ve got a quick little story for you:

The other day, we were driving home, both kids in the back seat, Dave on the phone, Baker chattering away about whatever skipped the filter (which is, apparently, everything at this age) and Lucibelle gnawing at her pacifier. 

Now, for those of you who have little bitty babies who have not yet reached preschool – school age yet, you might not take heed when you hear other parents warn, “Kids heareverything.”  I didn’t.  

But kids do hear everything.  Everything.  Every.  Thing.  Even when you think they’re not listening.  Even when you think they cannot here you.  Even when you think they are in the other room…watching TV…wearing noise canceling headphones…in someone else’s home…in another state.  Somehow, some way, they hear everything (except if the phrase includes the words clean, brush, homework, or wash…then all bets are off).

Dave’s phone conversation ended, and Baker took a breath from his own, personal, conversation, to pipe up and ask, “Daddy, who do we need to pray for?”

“What are you talking about?” Dave asked.

“You said, on the phone, ‘Well, we will definitely be praying for you all.’ So who do we need to pray for?”

See, I told you they hear everything.  

Dave explained that the person he was talking to has a coworker who is quite “cranky and not very nice” to the other employees.  And that he said that we would pray for the rest of the employees for having to deal with the difficult coworker.

Baker grew quiet, but only for a couple of seconds…if he’s quiet for any longer than that something is wrong or he is asleep… And then he threw in his two cents.

“I think it sounds like we need to pray for the cranky one.”  

Dave and I looked at one another.  We both felt that searing conviction that can only make you pause to say, “Whoah.”  And sometimes, “Ouch.”

Baker continued, “If we pray for them not to be so cranky, then maybe everybody can be happy.”

God sent his son in the form of a newborn baby boy to ultimately grow into a young man and pay the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, so that we could, in turn, be a light for others.  In that moment, I was certain that Jesus, himself, was using my boy as a mouthpiece.  What appeared to be common sense to my 5 year old is far from common practice in human nature.  The Word is clear that not only are we to have faith…meekness and humility…of a child, we are also called to pray for those who we would love to pray for the least, our enemies.  Essentially, we are called to swim upstream, which is, as my son would say, “reawy, reawy hard!”  Interestingly enough, the same kid who cannot yet pronounce his “L”s is the one who’s voice I heard the night God humbled my husband and me and reminded us of our charge as His children.