Perceived Threat...How My Son Opened My Heart

2/26/17

The body's response to a perceived threat is fight or flight.

Since birth, we've worked hard with Baker to help him differentiate between perceived and real threat and to create peace in his body and mind so he can more clearly identify each. Baker's go-to explanation is that he doesn't "trust" that...food, toy, bike, trail, slide, swing, cafeteria, assembly, candy, ride, store, etc...

But sometimes things still go haywire. Sometimes his body still perceived a threat. It fights by vomiting or shutting down. It takes flight by running away, hiding, or refusing to move due to paralyzing fear. Perhaps if he was wired more aggressively we'd see him hit, kick, scream, or lash out.

The thing is, whatever the stimuli, as benign to you or me as it may seem...to Baker, it's a threat.

Getting mad at him for it will never change the behavior. If I perceive a tarantula crawling across my neck, I'm going to react. And if you get mad at me for it, I'm not going to trust you anymore.

Trying to convince him that his perception is inaccurate while he is in the throws of his chaos, isn't going to redirect his thinking.  Instead, we have to direct his attention elsewhere and help him to find peace before he can move forward.  His perception, after all, is his reality, but that doesn't make it real.  

This is not to say that displays of behaviors that do not correlate with our family values are accepted or glossed over. Quite the contrary. Baker knows that reactions that cause major disruptions or emotional or physical harm to others will never be accepted in our home. Every day he redirects, fights, or flies while still maintaining empathy and love for others. I believe this goes much deeper than our parenting and speaks to a deep spiritual peace that he is able to hold...even when his neurons are all tangled up in anxiety and overload.

Jesus perceived the world differently. So does my boy.

In the same light...I've recently found myself swimming upstream trying to figure out the "other side" of the political spectrum. Why do they do this? What do they think that's ok? Why do they act like that?

I've tried to convince them that they are wrong.

I've even tried to deflect their negativity with my own.

One side lashes out at the other because they did this. The other lashes out because that side is wrong. One side cries foul, the other throws back something equally disgusting.

But what I woke up thinking this morning was that if we all approached others with love the way we do our own children...we'd be in a lot better place.

We are currently helping Baker develop the tools to navigate perception vs. reality. Not ignoring his perceptions. Not scolding him for them. And not treating his feelings as irrational. After all, regardless of WHY he believes as he does...it's real to him and his brain/body will behave accordingly. And it's our reactions to our beliefs that will either strengthen or destroy our spiritual bond with humanity.

Now...It's not my job to parent other people. Well...as an educator, sometimes it is...but that's another post for another time.

But, what if, instead of trying to convince others that their perception is wrong while they are wrapped up in it...what if I choose to love them anyway. And love them in a way that creates a bond. And love them in a way that creates trust. So that when they perceive the sky to be falling and turn to me and see my peace...whether it is falling or not...it creates peace within them.

So that even when they are fearful, they don't cut people out. So that when they are anxious they don't lash out. So that when they are so convinced of their perception they don't express arrogance, pride, or hate...but instead walk in Love.

Yeah...it's a pretty tall order. But God sent his Son to teach us how to do it. Funny thing...I think God sent me my son to teach me the same.

Stomach Fluid...a Reminder of His Perfect Timing

Stomach Fluid...a Reminder of His Perfect Timing 

That's probably a weird title, but I bet nobody else has used it. You probably won't open your daily devotional today and see it. It won't likely be the title of the sermon when you go to the Christmas Eve Service, tonight. But it's a perfect title...a. Because it aptly describes what I plan to share, b. Because you'll remember it, and c. Because you won't continue reading this if you have a strong gag reflex, are eating, or plan to eat soon. 

You might think this is going to be the story of Baker's stomach bug that had the entire basement of my in-law's house smelling like a 7/11 bathroom. He's ok now and obsessively looping on the idea of getting to open one gift tonight.  But that's not what this story is about. 

Before I begin, I'd like to point out that this post is addressed to a very specific audience. Of course, anyone is welcome to read it, and I hope many do, but this post is intended for all who have joined Luci's List, a prayer group I started when I sat with my baby girl in a pediatric ICU while she recovered from surgery. I simultaneously celebrated the fact that I would get to take her home and anguished in another fact that had become all too apparent...so many other moms would not be so lucky.  This is for each of you who have joined, surrounded my girl in prayer, and opened your hearts and prayer lives to the many others who have requested prayer on Luci's list. 

I got up this Christmas Eve morning prepared for my daily morning and evening routine with Lucibelle, a routine that I've done twice daily for approximately the past 22 weeks. 

I had the wash cloth and warm soapy water ready to clean away accumulation of stomach fluid that leaks from the hole in her belly surrounding her g-button. I can't complain...I think the button saved her life, but ever since she had it placed when she was 6 weeks old she has had granulation tissue at the stoma site which has prevented a good "seal" from forming...hence the leak.  And the smell...because, well, it's stomach fluid. And the laundry. And the ruined clothes from countless silver nitrate treatments or from the bleeding skin tissue.  Some docs said to keep the site covered and the tissue would heal. It didn't. Some said keep it uncovered and it would heal. It didn't. Her GI finally shot straight with me and said that in all honesty, if all they had done wasn't working, nothing probably would and that we would probably just have to deal with the tissue until she has the button removed in the spring. ...super 😕

Last night I posted on Luci's list because of Lucibelle's results from the sleep study.  From the time the doctor called with the results until I finally fell asleep last night, it was all I could think about, really. 

And, of course, you all surrounded her with prayers. I know you did, because this morning God reminded me that He's got this. 

Lucibelle's unsnapped onesie revealed a clean, dry, round little baby belly. The kind I vaguely remember from when she was about 5 weeks old, only now, there's a port. 

I looked closer. No goo. No gunk. No dried fluid. None. Anywhere. 

How could this be?  I gently wiggled her button around to get a look at the site where there is always a bright red, moist, lump of skin sitting just beneath the port. 

But today, there was no red. No moisture. No lump. Just dry, pale pink skin resting at the stoma. The granulation tissue was completely gone. 

I know I never asked for prayers for this, specifically.  It's such small potatoes in the grand scheme of things...just more of a hassle than anything. And I mean...really...so many of you have your own health concerns or health concerns for loved ones that FAR surpass anything that we have ever ever faced with Lucibelle. 

But I also know y'all were praying for Lucibelle and that because of those prayers, through that faith, God chose this morning...the day we celebrate the the imminent birth of His Son...to send a little reminder that he's got this.  He listens. He hears. And His timing is always perfect. 

And that, my friends, is how stomach fluid, at least for me, will forever be a reminder of His promises, the power of prayer, and the gratitude I have toward all of you who have lifted my daughter to Him.