2/26/17
The body's response to a perceived threat is fight or flight.
Since birth, we've worked hard with Baker to help him differentiate between perceived and real threat and to create
peace in his body and mind so he can more clearly identify each. Baker's go-to
explanation is that he doesn't "trust" that...food, toy, bike, trail,
slide, swing, cafeteria, assembly, candy, ride, store, etc...
But sometimes things still go haywire. Sometimes his body still
perceived a threat. It fights by vomiting or shutting down. It takes flight by
running away, hiding, or refusing to move due to paralyzing fear. Perhaps if he
was wired more aggressively we'd see him hit, kick, scream, or lash out.
The thing is, whatever the stimuli, as benign to you or me as
it may seem...to Baker, it's a threat.
Getting mad at him for it will never change the behavior. If I
perceive a tarantula crawling across my neck, I'm going to react. And if you
get mad at me for it, I'm not going to trust you anymore.
Trying to convince him that his perception is inaccurate while
he is in the throws of his chaos, isn't going to redirect his thinking. Instead, we have to direct his attention elsewhere and help him to find peace before he can move forward. His perception, after all, is his reality, but that doesn't make it real.
This is not to say that displays of behaviors that do not
correlate with our family values are accepted or glossed over. Quite the
contrary. Baker knows that reactions that cause major disruptions or emotional
or physical harm to others will never be accepted in our home. Every day he
redirects, fights, or flies while still maintaining empathy and love for
others. I believe this goes much deeper than our parenting and speaks to a deep
spiritual peace that he is able to hold...even when his neurons are all tangled
up in anxiety and overload.
Jesus perceived the world differently. So does my boy.
In the same light...I've recently found myself swimming upstream
trying to figure out the "other side" of the political spectrum. Why
do they do this? What do they think that's ok? Why do they act like that?
I've tried to convince them that they are wrong.
I've even tried to deflect their negativity with my own.
One side lashes out at the other because they did this. The
other lashes out because that side is wrong. One side cries foul, the other
throws back something equally disgusting.
But what I woke up thinking this morning was that if we all
approached others with love the way we do our own children...we'd be in a lot
better place.
We are currently helping Baker develop the tools to navigate
perception vs. reality. Not ignoring his perceptions. Not scolding him for
them. And not treating his feelings as irrational. After all, regardless of WHY
he believes as he does...it's real to him and his brain/body will behave accordingly.
And it's our reactions to our beliefs that will either strengthen or destroy
our spiritual bond with humanity.
Now...It's not my job to parent other people. Well...as an
educator, sometimes it is...but that's another post for another time.
But, what if, instead of trying to convince others that their
perception is wrong while they are wrapped up in it...what if I choose to love
them anyway. And love them in a way that creates a bond. And love them in a way
that creates trust. So that when they perceive the sky to be falling and turn
to me and see my peace...whether it is falling or not...it creates peace within
them.
So that even when they are fearful, they don't cut people out.
So that when they are anxious they don't lash out. So that when they are so
convinced of their perception they don't express arrogance, pride, or
hate...but instead walk in Love.
Yeah...it's a pretty tall order. But God sent his Son to teach
us how to do it. Funny thing...I think God sent me my son to teach me the same.
