Correcting Your Mistakes

Mom brag: Baker got a stack of papers back yesterday...10 papers or so. All were perfect scores except 3, which were in the B's due to careless mistakes here and there.

We celebrated the 100% scores. He was so proud. We talked about how the others were good grades if he tried his best, but when we looked at the mistakes, he recognized they were careless. We talked about the mistakes, and I had him correct each paper and write why the original answers were wrong.

I stood by and listened as he bravely and independently took the papers back to his teacher and said, "I know I don't get any more points and that the grades are not bad, but I fixed these so I don't make the same careless mistakes again." He was so brave and mature and never once pouted or complained. He had such a positive spirit and was genuinely interested in learning from his mistakes because, "Mommy, that's what a scientist does when he makes a mistake or has to rethink his hypothesis. Scientists can't be careless."

I have to admit, I'm even more proud of his maturity and attitude about correcting the 85%, 88%, and 80%, than the other seven perfect scores. I pray that he approaches all of life's blunders with a scientist's approach. The mistake is only bad if you leave it that way and don't learn from it...otherwise it's just another step toward the right answer.

As adults, we can make some huge blunders. But it's important that we look at all of the things God has done in our lives and all of the things we've gotten right through He who strengthens us. Sometimes we make the same mistakes again and again...it's when we come to the place that we forgive ourselves (because He already did), pay no attention to what others might think, face our mistake, prepare our hearts for the hardship, and open up to learning, that we can actually see the redeeming value in it all.

I'm learning from my 7 year old that ego is for the birds.

I also learned yesterday that he hopes to one day make a bird-rhino hybrid...not sure if that would be a small flying horned creature or a flying rhino...but that's another post for another day.

What Makes a Good Marriage?

This one will be short and sweet...it doesn't need much more

Me: what makes a good mommy?
Baker: ...takes care of her kids...cares for them when they are hurt and sick...makes sure they eats their fruits and veggies...(awwww...sweet...right?)

Me: what makes a good dad?
Baker: ...same thing that makes a good mom. (Lol...cute...right?)

Me: what makes a good man?
Baker: ...works out...and does the things that a good mom does does for the people he loves (getting deep there, little man)

Me: what do you think makes a good marriage?
Baker: (doesn't miss a beat...not even a half second...I kid you not...like this is the easiest question he ever answered) God.

Wow.  

Got it, Father. LOUD AND CLEAR. They see us and pay attention. They don't miss a moment. And they know what matters.

My prayers tonight will be a bit different than ever before...and my future prayers are changed too.

Pic from July, 2006, just about 2 months into the relationship.  Eleven years later, I still thank God for him every day.   

A Three Minute Pause

This afternoon some dominoes took their course and left me riddled with worry.  Everything was so tangled up and not falling as I believed it should. The topic of my worry isn't the point here though. I sat for nearly an hour with a knot in my stomach. What if this. What if that. What if it doesn't happen this way or that...

I picked up my phone and accidentally pressed a button that pulled up The Shack audiobook Dave and I listened to over Spring Break. I immediately was reminded of when God warns Mackenzie that "without wisdom, imagination is a cruel task-master," and points out that the future often looks so worrisome and bleak because we tend to leave Him out of our imagined pictures.

In psychology it's called future-tripping. In The Shack, it's imagination. In that moment I spoke these words to Dave, "I've done what I can, and now I am just going to trust that God is going to take care of the rest."  I said it...and I had to keep saying it over and over in my head to drown out the doubt. But I quit my repetitive loop after about three minutes.

Why three minutes?  Because y'all...I swear to you...it was exactly three minutes from the time I made the comment, that I received a text. The text content didn't have the answer, but it had hope.

Yes...I do believe in coincidences. Yes...I do believe in random timing.  But I also believe in the joy that it gives our Lord when His children make a decisive effort to be mindful of His faithfulness. And I do believe in God-winks.

Perceived Threat...How My Son Opened My Heart

2/26/17

The body's response to a perceived threat is fight or flight.

Since birth, we've worked hard with Baker to help him differentiate between perceived and real threat and to create peace in his body and mind so he can more clearly identify each. Baker's go-to explanation is that he doesn't "trust" that...food, toy, bike, trail, slide, swing, cafeteria, assembly, candy, ride, store, etc...

But sometimes things still go haywire. Sometimes his body still perceived a threat. It fights by vomiting or shutting down. It takes flight by running away, hiding, or refusing to move due to paralyzing fear. Perhaps if he was wired more aggressively we'd see him hit, kick, scream, or lash out.

The thing is, whatever the stimuli, as benign to you or me as it may seem...to Baker, it's a threat.

Getting mad at him for it will never change the behavior. If I perceive a tarantula crawling across my neck, I'm going to react. And if you get mad at me for it, I'm not going to trust you anymore.

Trying to convince him that his perception is inaccurate while he is in the throws of his chaos, isn't going to redirect his thinking.  Instead, we have to direct his attention elsewhere and help him to find peace before he can move forward.  His perception, after all, is his reality, but that doesn't make it real.  

This is not to say that displays of behaviors that do not correlate with our family values are accepted or glossed over. Quite the contrary. Baker knows that reactions that cause major disruptions or emotional or physical harm to others will never be accepted in our home. Every day he redirects, fights, or flies while still maintaining empathy and love for others. I believe this goes much deeper than our parenting and speaks to a deep spiritual peace that he is able to hold...even when his neurons are all tangled up in anxiety and overload.

Jesus perceived the world differently. So does my boy.

In the same light...I've recently found myself swimming upstream trying to figure out the "other side" of the political spectrum. Why do they do this? What do they think that's ok? Why do they act like that?

I've tried to convince them that they are wrong.

I've even tried to deflect their negativity with my own.

One side lashes out at the other because they did this. The other lashes out because that side is wrong. One side cries foul, the other throws back something equally disgusting.

But what I woke up thinking this morning was that if we all approached others with love the way we do our own children...we'd be in a lot better place.

We are currently helping Baker develop the tools to navigate perception vs. reality. Not ignoring his perceptions. Not scolding him for them. And not treating his feelings as irrational. After all, regardless of WHY he believes as he does...it's real to him and his brain/body will behave accordingly. And it's our reactions to our beliefs that will either strengthen or destroy our spiritual bond with humanity.

Now...It's not my job to parent other people. Well...as an educator, sometimes it is...but that's another post for another time.

But, what if, instead of trying to convince others that their perception is wrong while they are wrapped up in it...what if I choose to love them anyway. And love them in a way that creates a bond. And love them in a way that creates trust. So that when they perceive the sky to be falling and turn to me and see my peace...whether it is falling or not...it creates peace within them.

So that even when they are fearful, they don't cut people out. So that when they are anxious they don't lash out. So that when they are so convinced of their perception they don't express arrogance, pride, or hate...but instead walk in Love.

Yeah...it's a pretty tall order. But God sent his Son to teach us how to do it. Funny thing...I think God sent me my son to teach me the same.

Demanding Happy

You know him. That guy who has everything. Great job. Fast car. Hot wife. Kids give him very little grief. And yet...he's not content. Why can't he just be happy with what he's got? I mean...it's all at his fingertips. And yet, he's miserable...always seeking more.

But maybe...hopefully...you are lucky enough to know someone who ...regardless of his car engine, his 9-5, his wife's fitness and (let's face it) makeup routine, and his kids' grades and triumphs on the field/track/court...struggles. Someone who hurts. Someone who knows sadness. Yet...even in the midst of sorrow...suffering...uncertainty...angst...he is happy. I mean really happy. Content. Not complacent. That's entirely different. But accepting of where God has placed him and faithfully willing to actively take part as the story unfolds. He can honestly sit in the light and take it in...without judgement...without guilt...without self indulgence. He can just be present in the moment.

I hope you know this person.

I hope so, because if you do, maybe you can join me in at least considering the idea that maybe we can choose happy.

Maybe...

Before I continue, let me first point out that this is not to discount the very real conditions of depression and anxiety which overwhelm and drag their victims down terribly dark paths. These conditions are legitimate and those who suffer benefit extensively from psychiatric attention.

Accepting and excepting the exceptions...

Maybe happy can be the "more" we seek. Maybe it can be the more we DEMAND.

I find that the more happy I demand, the more I encounter. Perhaps it is in my definition of happy. Because to me, happy is not a future thing to attain, it's a now thing to experience. It isn't, "I'll be happy when..." Because let's face it, I'm not promised whatever moment I've committed to whatever comes after the ellipses. Oh and let's not ignore the genius simplicity of the argument that tomorrow never comes...even my predictive text knew that phrase.

Demanding more happy has nothing to do with going into your boss's office and negotiating a raise. It has nothing to do with what you drive. Nothing to do with what your spouse looks like or how well mannered your kids are. ...although all of those things can be legitimately bright points in your day.

By demand...I really mean seek...intentionally. Demanding more happy actually requires you to demand more of yourself. To dig deeper. To appreciate more. To look at your gifts through the eyes of your Creator and see them as nothing less than purely amazing and worthy of celebration.

Have you ever bought your child a candy bar? You KNEW he'd be so happy. You came home and...

You: "Guess what I got you!"

Kid: (with absolute enthusiasm). Legos!

You: well, no but...

Kid: (excited) A dinosaur?!

You: well, no but...

Kid: (vibrating in place) then what?!?!

You: (with absolute enthusiasm) This candy bar!

Kid: (clearly underwhelmed) oh...yeah...cool...thanks mom

Have you been there? It's deflating at best, right?

And yet...do we not do that to the creator of the universe each and every time we fail to recognize His blessings? Has He gifted you with this day? With your paycheck? With the fact that your car started this morning...the clean water you just drank...the near miss on the freeway when you called that other driver an idiot (among other things)...what about the lady with a full cart who let you go ahead in the check out line because your kid was screaming (...for a candy bar...), or the fact that your boss completely overlooked the fact that your report was a day late...?

Do we not recognize these as blessings.? Or are blessings only the big things? And if we do identify these as blessings, are they not worth celebrating? Are we underwhelmed?

The truth is, the more happy you discover, the more you will demand, and the more you demand the more happy you discover.

One of my favorite 90s bands was Sister Hazel...laugh it up...but once you recover, read the lyrics here, as I close. Because I think they were on to something (and perhaps ON something but that's beside the point...). Enjoy...

"If you want to be somebody else,

If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself

If you want to be somebody else

Change your mind...

Hey hey-

Have you ever danced in the rain

Or thanked the sun

Just for shining- just for shining

Over the sea?

Oh no- take it all in

The world's a show

And yeah, you look much better,

Look much better when you glow."

What I'll Say About Politics...

The greatest of these is love. 

If you claim your spiritual beliefs are based in love, be careful today. If you claim your politics are rooted in love, be careful today.

Be careful that your actions actually express what you name and claim as your foundational truth.

You've not seen me offer ANY political opinions on Facebook. And many of you haven't even heard them in person. I have opinions and beliefs. Just ask my husband. But I often keep them to myself and exercise them at the polls, write letters, or participate in activities that correspond with those beliefs.
One of the main reason I do this is because I would rather keep those ideas private than to express them in a public forum and have anyone I love feel that my words are hateful toward him/her. Here is what I WILL say.

You know those popular verse...Love is patient, love is kind...

Before that list of what love is, Paul wrote to the Church of Corinth about what DIFFERENCE love makes:

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13 1-3, New International Version)  

Y'all...this bickering...the gloating...the "in yo face" and the "I'm ashamed...". Be careful that your words don't cause another to feel unloved.

At the end of every day, my mother always asked me, did someone see Christ in you today? Not, did anyone notice your politics? Your stand on immigration, government assistance, education, or abortion.

But did anyone see CHRIST?
But who or what is Christ?
He is Love!
And what is love?

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13 4-13, New International Version)  

Demanding Happy

You know him. That guy who has everything.  Great job. Fast car. Hot wife. Kids give him very little grief. And yet...he's not content. Why can't he just be happy with what he's got?  I mean...it's all at his fingertips. And yet, he's miserable...always seeking more. 

But maybe...hopefully...you are lucky enough to know someone who ...regardless of his car engine, his 9-5, his wife's fitness and (let's face it) makeup routine, and his kids' grades and triumphs on the field/track/court...struggles. Someone who hurts. Someone who knows sadness. Yet...even in the midst of sorrow...suffering...uncertainty...angst...he is happy. I mean really happy. Content. Not complacent. That's entirely different. But accepting of where God has placed him and faithfully willing to actively take part as the story unfolds.  He can honestly sit in the light and take it in...without judgement...without guilt...without self indulgence. He can just be present in the moment. 

I hope you know this person. 

I hope so, because if you do, maybe you can join me in at least considering the idea that maybe we can choose happy. 

Maybe...

Before I continue, let me first point out that this is not to discount the very real conditions of depression and anxiety which overwhelm and drag their victims down terribly dark paths. These conditions are legitimate and those who suffer benefit extensively from psychiatric attention. 

Accepting and excepting the exceptions...

Maybe happy can be the "more" we seek. Maybe it can be the more we DEMAND. 

I find that the more happy I demand, the more I encounter.  Perhaps it is in my definition of happy. Because to me, happy is not a future thing to attain, it's a now thing to experience. It isn't, "I'll be happy when..." Because let's face it, I'm not promised whatever moment I've committed to whatever comes after the ellipses.  Oh and let's not ignore the genius simplicity of the argument that tomorrow never comes...even my predictive text knew that phrase. 

Demanding more happy has nothing to do with going into your boss's office and negotiating a raise.  It has nothing to do with what you drive. Nothing to do with what your spouse looks like or how well mannered your kids are. ...although all of those things can be legitimately bright points in your day. 

By demand...I really mean seek...intentionally. Demanding more happy actually requires you to demand more of yourself. To dig deeper. To appreciate more. To look at your gifts through the eyes of your Creator and see them as nothing less than purely amazing and worthy of celebration. 

Have you ever bought your child a candy bar?  You KNEW he'd be so happy. You came home and...

You:  "Guess what I got you!"

Kid:  (with absolute enthusiasm). Legos!

You: well, no but...

Kid:  (excited) A dinosaur?!

You:  well, no but...

Kid: (vibrating in place) then what?!?! 

You: (with absolute enthusiasm) This candy bar!

Kid: (clearly underwhelmed) oh...yeah...cool...thanks mom

Have you been there?  It's deflating at best, right?

And yet...do we not do that to the creator of the universe each and every time we fail to recognize His blessings?  Has He gifted you with this day?  With your paycheck? With the fact that your car started this morning...the clean water you just drank...the near miss on the freeway when you called that other driver an idiot (among other things)...what about the lady with a full cart who let you go ahead in the check out line because your kid was screaming (...for a candy bar...), or the fact that your boss completely overlooked the fact that your report was a day late...?

Do we not recognize these as blessings.? Or are blessings only the big things?  And if we do identify these as blessings, are they not worth celebrating?  Are we underwhelmed?

The truth is, the more happy you discover, the more you will demand, and the more you demand the more happy you discover.  

One of my favorite 90s bands was Sister Hazel...laugh it up...but once you recover, read the lyrics here, as I close.  Because I think they were on to something (and perhaps ON something but that's beside the point...). Enjoy...

"If you want to be somebody else,

If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself

If you want to be somebody else

Change your mind...

Hey hey-

Have you ever danced in the rain

Or thanked the sun

Just for shining- just for shining

Over the sea?

Oh no- take it all in

The world's a show

And yeah, you look much better,

Look much better when you glow."